Lost in Txtlation

These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

Tag: dating (Page 3 of 3)

The White Crayon

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I signed up for Match.com the other day, because I was interested in seeing the difference between the responses I got when I was heavier and now. Where did that come from? Well it kinda stems from how I began to write this in the start. I sent this message to someone today:

“Btw, when we see each other I totally understand the idea that life isn’t always good answers or answers in general. So wherever you are in yours understand I’m still searching for mine too. I just think you are an interesting enough person to share even the strange confusing days with. If that makes sense, I just got that sense from our attempts to get together. Your status updates and how with my move back I feel similar from the little I can gather from a facebook post. Not to mention I have been obsessing over my physical state since I changed it a bunch since we last saw each other. but the more I thought about it, the more I realize the more prepared we go into seeing each other the less likely it is to be real for either of us.”

To this the response was sincere. I say this in regards to my match.com profile because, as the NYTimes has now reported, a phone call as is now considered a breach of etiquette to those who are not really close.

“Americans are talking less on their cellphones. When they do talk, the conversations are shorter, according to industry data. Partly, this reflects the shift in use of cellphones more as mobile computers that communicate via written messages. But this also reflects a subtle shift in etiquette, experts say. People increasingly use text messages and e-mail to arrange telephone calls, which are reserved for more important, complicated dialogues. An unscheduled call from people other than family members, they say, is often regarded as a rude intrusion.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/weekinreview/22lohr.html

And I realized I was trying to portray that everything was OK on there and grab peoples attention through something witty or personal, and I was ready to give me in a nice sunlight to someone, when in reality, I just wanted to sit down and be able to talk real with this person about life and spark our brains as the night goes on. I guess it kinda makes sense, even if I am very old school in my interaction ways, to use every form of communication to really be honest and yourself regardless of how the outcome may be. And especially for someone like me that hates texting, to find that way to text in a way that gives off the vibe of how I will be when in person, instead of trying to be txt Tristan and In Person Tristan. More like how I write, explaining a situation rather than trying to live the situation through those medias. Because then the in person will follow.

I can’t say I believe in finding yourself before you can be happy with someone else. I think being able to find someone who is willing to work on finding someone else and finding themselves at the same time is healthy.  I mean an old teacher of mine said it could take a lifetime without success to truly find yourself, or soul search as he said. Well I don’t have that much time to do both.

So all of this is my journey so far. So “what are your plans?”.. simple it is to fight every day to figure it out and my mind is fighting back, but I feel strong.

Thinking of you…

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I love my window because it has the fire escape on it and when I sit there looking out at the rusting metal with bits of black paint peeling from it, it clears my head. Something about it makes me feel good. And through that release from my own thoughts puts me into my thoughts even more.
 

I look out even if I don’t look up toward the sky like a contrived movie pose, I think perhaps like Fival with the whole “Somewhere out there” sentiment.

I mean is there really someone out there that is your soul mate. Is there really a person who is thinking of you and you of them regardless of where you are in the world? I mean is there someone who has gone through life in just such a way that makes you and them the perfect match?

Or is it possible that there is more than one person out there that is your perfect match. Does soul mate even mean what it is meant to mean. People get remarried, people die and meet someone to fill the void, yet I wonder if perhaps we might miss out on that chance to be with the perfect person because we can settle. Because we can sacrifice the idea of that ONE person to be loved.

Do we match due to astronomy, or do we match from feelings, or perhaps since the idea is that when we don’t look fo it it finds us, that there is a predetermined fate for us and who we will love, but when it happens can we actually make it happen and is it possible for it to slip through our fingers. Then what? Do we control it or does fate?

Can friends turn lovers when as friends it can be halted by other lovers…

Are we actually just making up this thing called love, because don’t we strive to learn how to love ourselves before we can find love, and isn’t that a life long journey for everyone because our lives constantly evolve and the person in the mirror is never the same.

Is it possible to feel heart break when you haven’t even felt the love yet?

Blah so many questions, so many ideas. I was right in one thing, pointing myself in the right direction and being unsure is way better than getting comfortable and being the wrong way.

I’m writing incoherently… so the end.

My Dating Profile haha

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So I haven’t written a note in awhile so I will now share with you my DATING profile 😛 I have since modified it quite a bit, because turns out the less I write, the more people tell me how interesting what I have to say is. Plus this was a bit much haha, it scares me a little and makes me sound like a schizophrenic.

My self-summary

I’ve decided to write this like my thought process, a stream of consciousness. As well I think I will be brutally honest(like I ever have a choice haha, you will learn haha and 😛 = my tone of voice, but we will get there!)

I am extremely passionate about the world. I love to be a part of it, analyzing it, figuring it out, being frustrated that I can’t always get the answer. But I will fight tooth and nail to find out or talk my way into an answer! 🙂 Shit I think I am passionate about being passionate… and when I am not, it shows clear as day 😛

I will 99 out of a 100 times be more inclined to sit on my bed with the person I am dating talking about shit that turns into debate and pushing the mind than I will be to go to a club, find a living social deal of the week(although I just learned about this and shit there are some good ones!), go to a movie, insert common “night out” here.

I think being able to walk down the street and being on the same wavelength of what grabs your attention is important. It is the difference between, OMG LOOK THERE LOOK THERE LOOK THERE, and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA wtf was he wearing?!?!?!

I understand NYC is a city of don’t look up but I believe even though I too do not look up, seeing the people and the environment of social euphoria breaths a certain life into my spirit. I took that for granted when I moved to California after living out there for 5 years and moved back to NYC for the social/cultural inspiration I grew up with. So YES I will point out the street performer that I think is amazing, and yes I will talk about the people I see that strike my fancy, or the conversation I overhear from the person on the subway next to me, I still get motivated by them as part of this walking canvas NY.

So now that I am in the city of passionate people, I want to explore the places familiar and unfamiliar with someone I can hold in my arms, to make the experiences different and feel like the first time all over again.

My user name is my real name, why you may ask, well I guess I thought xxxtristanswashboardabsofsteelxxx was a bit melodramatic, or perhaps it is because I am comfortable being me, a confident mess : ) Shit google it, you might learn something about how I really have NO walls whatsoever and prefer to put the information out there then leave it up to interpretation or gossip.

I have so many interests, I am not a cookie cutter, I like to try it all. I want to be peeled back like an onion, and I will even help you peel back the pieces to speed up the process, I have always believed in getting to know someone without reservation or thought of “I could get hurt” because honestly, how many times can you go into a situation like meeting someone new with those ideals and not miss out on what could be or waste time on what shouldn’t be because of caution. Damn straight I am OK with being hurt, that is the risk to finding the perfect match isn’t it? (yes hopeful romantic here haha) If we all strive for Money, Careers, and Love, why is it that Love always gets the stepchild treatment when it comes to the effort we put into it. Why are we so afraid to go after it as if someone just offered us a million dollars to jump eyes closed into a once in a lifetime opportunity. Because I KNOW people will fight tooth and nail for their goals in life, so why not put that same effort into a relationship : )

I do NOT have all my life goals together, my career, my head, they are not clear, they are in process, scary, anxiety inducing spurts of extremes, and I think that is OK. I have a different opinion on the “knowing yourself” before you can meet someone else. Albeit I respect who I am and don’t really have walls to life, and really am always me 24 / 7(with some help here and there to remember) but I thought a lot about that idea and I came up with, I believe we will find ourselves till the day we die because the days leading up to death define us, as well as the people we meet. So if we didn’t look while we were also finding ourselves it would be too late. I believe it isn’t how people interact doing different things but how they are with each other at the moments infront of them.

A year ago to the day I left a very good job in terms of “job standards” to pursue my passions and to fill the emptiness in me that I would call ultimate happiness. It was hard and continues to be. I am not your 100k+ a year guy anymore, nor do I prioritize that. If I wanted money to be the deciding factor I would have stayed put, but it turns out money really cannot buy you happiness, only a SHIT TON can lol. (no I don’t expect you to buy me dinner, I have heard of that a lot of here.. really? COME ON… sigh, men)

The last thing I want people to know, is I believe that people judge on snippets like these too often, when in turn these are just small layers of who we are, and to me the cool part of this is that we can talk about it after we write our blurbs. It allows us to see past the MOMENT that this was written and know the person as a whole 🙂

What I’m doing with my life

I am a Director / Photographer / Videographer / Daydreamer

Take a look urself:

http://www.tristanpope.com

I’m really good at

Talking 🙂 but believe it or not LISTENING TOO 😛

I cook a mean sauce, little italian Mom 🙂

The first things people usually notice about me

My Energy, how fast I reply to you on here or email or whatever… kinda plugged in at the hip, and lack of pictures of me in a bar with a drink held out to the camera. 😛 Oh and emoticons.

First thing people don’t usually notice is that I TOO get sad, depressed, scared, freaked out, lonely, hurt, etc.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I think we can get there in conversation 😛 Cause we all like food movies music and books.. well maybe not books… but movie adaptations of books? 😛

Although I DO watch a TON of movies. I LOVE movies. I also love watching entire seasons of TV shows in a day 🙂 It is like a REALLY LONG movie then.

The six things I could never do without

Optimism

Family… they are a huge support line for me and I them. And I will probably want you to meet one of the 100 of my sisters sooner than later, I also don’t think meeting parents is weird on a second date haha, they are my friends.

NY Pizza

Personal Space/Time

Passionate People

Music… I love all types of music, but I think I like music that feels like the world around you the most, for instance a single piano on a winter day.

The Internet… Since this is the seventh one, I guess I could drop it in the apocalypse, but then I couldn’t use google to prove people wrong grrr. Ooo but then people couldn’t use google to prove ME wrong… I think I like this apocalypse world!!

I spend a lot of time thinking about

People, relationships, romance, my career, life, yadda yadda. And I actually write about a lot of it too, ask me I’ll show ya haha.

The day, no use in thinking too much into the future or the past. I like to not miss what is in front of me.

Thinking about that first moment when you are with someone you find special and they say your name, I dunno why it just rings out. 🙂

On a typical Friday night I am

Oh hell, I don’t have a typical Friday night.

Maybe I am doing some sort of shoot…

or perhaps

Walking around exploring the city, because honestly combine the endless nooks and crannies plus people watching, and you have yourself a fun night.

or perhaps

sitting on my ass…

Friday isn’t “Friday” to me.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Lemme put it this way, “walls” are for buildings, not people. I will talk about anything at any time. So ask away. And I’m serious too. I like to skip the bullshit of trying to make the perfect first impression because then you end up getting to know someone else other than yourself.

For instance I have some strange obsession with the color pink and when i can get away with it, try to own those things or live vicariously through the person I am with haha.

You should message me if

You think txting is NOT a good way to start the getting to know you process. I am lost in txtlation 😛 I talk in a way that makes me me, and my face tells a story, and I look forward to reading yours as well.

But seriously, if you are open to yourself and can be open with me, because I want to get to know you not based on finding the perfect outfit for a first date, and then canceling because you can’t, but on the person you are every day 🙂 I mean when you are old and I am sitting by you in a rocking chair yelling at the kids across the street or the fish in the ocean (depends on where we retire) do you think I give a shit what you wore the first time I met you? 🙂

Although, I will remember haha. I am weird like that.

And this part may come off with a bad flavor. But I spend time to keep my body healthy so I would hope you do too although not a deciding factor but an important one.

If you thought out of the 10 picture slots a good choice was one of you with a drink in your hand in a bar, trust me we won’t get along 😛 Not because I don’t enjoy a drink, but because I prioritize it differently. I will never be a “insert day” Funday kinda person 🙂

You thought what I wrote was too much to read but read it anyway.

Lost in txtlation

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Why is txting so popular?

How many times when you get a text do you think to yourself, MAN I have to TYPE THIS OUT!?!? Or you get a frustration with trying to convey a one word answer by hitting numerous keys.

Well it seems if you feel this way you may be the odd man out.

Texting, AIM, Email, Facebook messages, Myspace, etc., these have all become a common place to talk to someone. It is no longer calling someone up on the phone to chat but through a mediator such as MySpace.

So what makes these forms of interaction so popular? I have a couple of theories.

For people trying to pick up one another, such as one would do at a bar, these forms of interaction make for a very safe environment.

Think of it if you may, as a book. You pick up a book and can interpret the writers words with whatever your imagination can dream up. There is a sense of magic here. You could even say in the case of meeting someone new, it has that sense of romanticism(movie romance) as you read into each word the other types and try to make it fit what you want, feel, ate for lunch.

But these books don’t end when you end the conversation for the night. These books keep living and breathing, having their own lives, with interaction, dreams, work, and so on. The next time you pick up the book the cover may have changed and the title altered, the pages may even be more worn than when you last picked it up. Thus is human nature for our day to day lives to take effect on our overall story, but to the person not physically in our lives the words still look the same as they did the night before and the everyday use not noticeable through the hard cover, perhaps we will call it the computer screen. So before you know it they are reading a book about vampires when they swore if they ever had anything to do with Sparkly Vampire books they would kill themselves.

Txts, aim, and email are like living a relationship as if it were a book, able to form your own opinions on who is on the other side. And who doesn’t dream big or disappoint huge. So perhaps we are making the other person out to be the villain or the antagonist. So let’s say finally we do meet face to face, will our children’s fairy tale like aspirations be too overwhelming for reality of the truth? We are all dreamers and words on a page leave a lot for us to dream for, good and bad. Is it similar to beauty as we see it through the eyes of Photoshop? Does it make us get further and further away from true love as we read deeper and deeper into the ease of manipulating our own minds by applying our own inflections and scenarios to what people type?

Have you ever been on the edge about buying something for yourself, but you go to the website and fill out all the info anyway, even as you debate it. As you finish up you are still on the fence, but you stare at the enter button. You drag your mouse over it, and without a second thought you CLICK, because you cannot take it back. And at that point all that is left is just to convince yourself that it was a good choice. The same can apply to conversations, especially in a place like AIM. During a conversation where there is no instant repercussions it is easier to say “I love you” or “You bitch” or anything between the lines, because all you have to do is hit enter. You don’t have to worry about seeing their face, or them seeing yours.

Which leads me to the idea of “second chances”.

These forms of interaction give you a chance to say or hear it first, take a moment, analyze the situation and form the right answer, not YOUR answer. You essentially are able to look through the deck and “Play the right card”. Oh and if you guessed wrong and the house had an ace you can twist your words, “Oh I totally meant that in a sarcastic tone” “Oh I’m sorry I meant that as a joke I have a dry sense of humor”. It is easier to let go of what someone says as a misinterpretation or wait till they type something you like to hold onto versus the things that would send up red flags if you heard it in their voice. With text and conversation held in text you can literally count up the things you like and do not like. You can erase the moments that didn’t fancy your palette. Problem is, because you don’t know how jazzed they were on the other side, you once again are forming opinions about how they feel about things through how you feel. Weighing their amount of interest in something by your own.

So who is it that you are talking to on the other side? Is it perhaps just a version of yourself? Does the anonymity and lack of inflection allow for your to read their words as that dream person or perhaps in your own voice?

Is this a great way for people who may not like face to face conversation to interact?
Or could it be, we are working against our own aspirations through the rudimentary idea that we sit in class at age 12 and analyze other’s work, such as poetry and literature, and through these actions we form opinions. But when the other person is alive and breathing on the other end to explain where as a dead poet would scream from the grave to be able to explain the truth.

I suppose time will show more on this one. But if we continue to move further and further from interaction and more into twitter spheres where you must be followed to be popular but you need to follow first to be followed making your ability to read your followed less and less, you might as well just not talk at all.

Perhaps the generations will just skip me, and I will be lost in the archaic idea of feeling by being close to the other person. Perhaps I will be a character from “Demolition man” and be shunned for trying to talk vs sending a txt or in their case touching during sex, vs virtually fantasizing about it. Funny part is, they predicted Arnold would be governor in that movie, so who is to say they are that off on the idea of interactions.

It scares me because people do tend, myself included, to choose the path which is least intrusive on our lives, quirks, fears, but do more people than just me feel that burning desire to meet in person and frustration caused by countless txts leading to no next step. I like to move forward, and these types of interactions don’t have a very planned path, because we can leave them with whatever excuse fits us for the day, “tired” “work early” gonna grab some food” etc etc. But what truth is in it all?

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