Since I have gotten back from my trip from Paris I have not been able to get a hold of my brain.

From the first night I got back till now I have been in mood swings, semi depressed, random panic attacks, physically tired, and fighting sickness here and there.

Do I know why?

Nope…

Does it suck?

Yep…

But what is strange is when i was driving to work the other day, the signs I show as depressed or self explosive, those signs would probably send up red flags for someone else listening in but when it happens to me, there is a little trigger in my head somewhere that won;t allow me to self destruct as I used to anymore and usually I can pull out of it when the going gets tough and get what i need done done.

It just sucks because I wish I could figure out how to get out of it without having to make things difficult on teh way there.

I do wish there was someone I could talk to that had less pressure than me but understood my pressure while also being able to just be there.

bah I am ranting and almost writing a sob story here or a cry for help but in reality I am writing to figure it out myself. I guess facebook is not the best place but whatever lol.

I need to fix my car windows, I need to sell my car then, then I need to finish a big project at work, I have to work out, I have to go to the doctor for a physical, I have to get a checkup with another doctor, I have to Eat healthy, I have to be active, I have to

don’t wanna write this anymore.

UPDATE:

I think I know a big issue, in Paris I had time to do things I needed to or wanted to do then I came back after so many thoughts, eye openers, and life things that manifested ideas thoughts conclusions answers questions right to crunch and had little to no time for me or my shit I need to get fixed. So even though I may need to wait I am going to start tackling one thing at a time to get things in order.

And I called my daddo, kinda forgot about family help for a second 😛 Thankful that is there for me.