So I need to rant… 

As a guy, we like to get into shape. We feel better about ourselves, we are athletic, have testosterone etc etc. But there are some major flaws with the male body.

I have yet to meet a girl who you can send a picture to of yourself naked where it just makes her go insane. Now flip the coin and a girl sends a suggestive, not even nude picture of herself to a guy, and what do you get? A horny guy.

Why is this?

Well let me break it down… Let’s start with the most important “to the guy” part, the penis.. WTF… A girl has her naughty bits hidden away in a pretty little package. It is inviting, self contained, and not subject to harm as easily. Then we look at a guy, WHAT THE FUCK? As if the penis wasn’t weird enough looking as it is just hanging there for the world to see, we have to have this excess skin holding two “balls” underneath it. Dammit, there is NOTHING FUN about having balls, we often sit on them if we shift in our chair the wrong way, and they just flop around. They are covered in hair, and do not accentuate our manly hood at all. Girls ovaries are neatly tucked away inside them, but we have a fucking punching bag hanging from our lower half… Not to mention, we can’t hide shit when it comes to how we “feel”. I mean we wake up at full mast for the only reason I can think of is NOT wetting the bed. All men care about is performance, but we have an appendage that doesn’t work if we are worried about performance. 

So OK, “manhood” aside, let’s talk about boobs. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to give guys boobs? We are not feeding babies, if we gain weight they look absolutely ridiculous and if we get in shape they still look ridiculous. So WHY THE FUCK DO WE HAVE THEM DAMMIT! Not only are women’s much more attractive they serve a damn purpose.

Girls have beautiful curves, accents, lips, etc. They can dress them up in some of the most magnificent styles I have ever seen, and us guys get t-shirts and jeans. And to make it worse some of the male population thinks it is sexy to wear our underwear out of our pants. Not sexy, girls couldn’t do it with the whale tale, so what makes us think we can do it with our smiley face Joe Boxers.

Oh, and NOT TO MENTION, was our body used as a damn wet mop after woman had her first haircut? What the crap is that all about. I know that is subjective, but I really cannot stand body hair, I even tried shaving my legs when I was swimming, but to be honest, credit to the ladies out there, it is fucking hard, there is hair behind the knees, wtf! 

So we do our best to tone up and get the hodgepodge of parts to look somewhat appealing and girls will always drop the line here or there “I can’t get comfortable on you, you aren’t squishy enough”… 

For fucks sake… all I want, personally, is someone to run their hand down my sex lines or across my arm and notice all the new indents and muscles I was admiring in the mirror when I first found them. Is that too much to ask? It isn’t a conceded thing, it is a self realization thing. It is being proud. The body is cool and I just appreciate a little acknowledgment haha. 

We are either squishy or toned, there is no middle ground here girls. I mean you have those naturally skinny people, but they are not squishy, they are tiny. It feels good when you lay on my chest and I swear I am not going to flex to make you uncomfortable, I just like the touch and weight of you.

BLAH, just go pick our a cool pair of leggings or sexy bathing suit with multiple shapes and accent to make your body amazing and desirable, and I will go get board shorts (which at least cover my kneecaps which are not pretty on anyone IMO) and t-shirts and jeans which either make me look too metro or from the ghetto. 

Yes yes, it takes us less time to get ready, but that is because we have nothing to show off. I am seriously jealous of the female figure and how much fun it is to dress up. So girls, know this, if I look at another woman while we are out, it is not because I want to get her in bed, it is because I want to figure out where she got her outfit so I can go buy it for your amazing body which is my adult version of your dolls 😛