I am tired of this paradigm of “I want to feel protected by my man”. Now don’t be fooled by this sentence, it doesn’t mean I do not believe you shouldn’t protect someone and your partner should not feel protected!
If the guy was raised with any morals or compass for good, of course he is going to fight for you and “protect you”. It is an instinct. It is the difference between standing on the road side of your girlfriend when holding hands while walking down the sidewalk versus not. It is something built into the core of our beings, we fight for the things we love. But being Chivalrous and Caring is just gestures it isn’t a partnership. It isn’t an equality.
Just because I make you feel safe, doesn’t mean you make me feel loved. If anything you wanting to just lay in my arms feeling safe has a strong ability to make me feel empty.
Why can’t more people want to share the passion of a relationship and grow with one another? Why can’t the entire relationship be dominant. Why do we have to fulfill roles? One is submissive one is the other. Fuck that shit, if I pull your hair, pull mine right back. Show some initiative in a relationship so I know I am not just dating my cat. I can get all this from a furry friend with way less effort.
The reason I want a human is to be inspired, to help inspire, to become partners in crime in this world that needs to be stolen day by day. I genuinely need someone who has a high level of creativity and ingenuity. Having my back intellectually and enginerically(yes I have created this word, it means being able to assess a situation and solve it together, usually relating to building Ikea furniture). We should be able to survive the zombie apocalypse together. My partner has to be on my zombie apocalypse team because she belongs there not because of love! I may mention a bit of this in my Podcast Stronger Together, is not being weaker alone.
Stop hiding behind your “I don’t want to get my heart broken” and your “I open up when I know you better” ‘s let it hang out and fly free. The worst that happens is you realize sooner and faster if you are meant to be and you can dive into the meat of things. You can achieve love.
But if your idea of love is me being some sort of prince charming, you are cruelly mistaken. Prince charming is a rebound for a girl who just got gaslit by a wicked spell. When the Prince “saves” the woman, the woman is swept off her feet, falling for him and only him. Sooner or later the Princess learns an important lesson, Prince Charming can’t actually save her from herself. Either she realizes she needs an understanding of herself first or she will end up falling into, once upon a time again, a deep sleep in which she must once again be awoken by “Prince Charming”. Not such a charming cycle is it?
I don’t want to be your rebound. I will happily carry you over puddles and open your door and kiss your forehead, but if I have no inspiration to continue doing it after you open up to me… perhaps this is the reason many women think men just put up a front when they first meet. Because at the end of the day it just isn’t inspiring anymore to do the chivalry if we are not getting an equal relationship.
Mind you, I am not oblivious to the fact that, most guys are dicks, societally influenced to be alpha. “I need that Masculine Energy” which has often been portrayed by men to men as a very toxic view and is often a very polarizing view of a man coming from a woman. Forcing them into a position that limits their possibilities. However, in a conversation recently someone in the same sentence made an interesting observation, “I want someone I can lean on, someone I can confide in, to feel safe and comfortable. I like feeling the protection of a man, and I don’t mean guns and muscles or anything like that… but it’s just like… There is a masculine energy that a guy can give off that makes me, I don’t know, feel safe and maybe…” And this is where the revelation was from this particular person that I 100% agree with, “maybe that feeling just comes from feeling loved, heard, and seen. The things I have not had from a partner in a really long time.” And here is lies the crux. So many men are treating other women like crap. Half of the online dating discussions I have are on “bad dates” and “red flag lists”. So, I agree, there is such a thing as masculine energy, but I think over many failed relationships and strange judgement projected by other men, it get’s put in a strange pandora’s box of sorts, that cannot be opened without causing harm to true masculinity: The feeling of love, partnership, and feeling safe to be yourself, together. Nothing is more masculine than a man who can be OK with ugly crying “I love you” to their partner because they just can’t hold it in anymore and need to share.
So here I am, 5 sisters, separated parents, abusive mother, absent father, it has caused me to have a dire need to want someone to tackle the world with, together. I need a partnership and that feeling of safety just as much as my partner, who is likely not going to be masculine! I want to be better than what I grew up with, I want to create new and healthy traditions, together. I want to create our own memories and for us to be stronger together than we would alone. Never wondering if “Am I sacrificing my career choices and ambitions for this relationship”, “am I sacrificing my self”, because the work done together in the relationship is what is actually driving us both to become better at it all. Plus, I really want you on my zombie apocalypse team!
