Everything is going to be OK.
Sometimes I think I am stronger than the world.
Like perhaps I can beat the odds, like I can be the odd statistic.
How dare you assume I would be the first to go, I have experience I have passion heart drive… many other adjectives of strength!
Regardless of being sensitive to every food group ever invented, and burning like a crisp in the sun, I often contemplate the idea that if push came to shove I would beat the world, I could get over the ways of my body.
Panic attacks, inability to smoke pot or drink. No problem! Who needed it!
Then I neglect my body and I neglect what is core to surviving because to survive these days has become a thing of leisure.
But of course, I am stronger than the world.
I could go to war and in that situation I could overcome, I could push to limits I didn’t know I had.
I would lose my 25 comfort pounds and overcome my colds and quirks…
Then the world catches up to me, stronger than it has before on this day
today.
The world pissed off at me for being naive, me pissed off at me for being so damn lazy.
A virtual world sometimes takes precedence over my own health. A virtual canvas I have spewed my life onto for the last couple of years. The world that pushes my levels so high I should pop but I am in my comfortable chair and have my over fattening foods. Comforts that allow me to just be, to survive at stupid levels in my head.
Why does it take the world punching me so hard in the gut to come to an agreement to come to conclusions or realizations or all of the above.
I see some things more clear, but will I see them 10 minutes from now?
I see a need to bring my stress down, I see a need to start being active again and preserving the thing I love, life.
Shitty that I have to do it out of breath from the sucker punch I was just given.
I can survive on life itself sometimes and not the things I input into within/created.
I may use the idea of a world bearing down on itself for self destruction as a way to wait till the puncturing wound is in my face and I am forced to overcome, but today I think is a day to remember that overcoming is not always the answer, sometimes taking the time to prepare and think ahead trounces such a weak thought.
I prayed.
Did I believe?
Does it affect the outcome?
Do I live through your outcome for the next few days?
Maybe my dreams just keep me from taking time to relax, maybe my mind just needs a moment of darkness.
Today I take heed.
Today I held onto those who give me strength because mine was missing once the search for an answer was no longer in the hand of mine.
Everything is going to be OK!
